My cat gives me a boner
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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