gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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