dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
You ruined the universe
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Randomize
