what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
We left an ass print on the piano.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
Randomize
