I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
i called her out for picking her nose in public and he still wonders why i don't like her!
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
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