Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize
