I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Randomize
