Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
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