when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
The Most Iconic Met Gala Looks The Kardashian’s Have Rocked
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.