The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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