Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Randomize
