if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
i came on her dog
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.