Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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