drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
