And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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