I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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