1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Randomize
