Who did Billy Mays play for?
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
