he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
