I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Randomize
