im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
