last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
Randomize
