my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
