you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
He sent me a picture of him bent over showing his asshole with the caption "vwahla".... No more tequila for either of you
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
