Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
