i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
