I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
Randomize
