your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Randomize
