oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
Randomize
