One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
