Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
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