just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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