i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
Hippo gnu deer
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
MIDGETS
????
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
