I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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