yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
