How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Randomize
