she woke up with a sticky ear
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
