In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
