I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Randomize
