If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
She announced her abortion via fbk
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
