I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
Randomize
