I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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