Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Randomize
