I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I wanna get "leaving my dick in charge" drunk.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
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