Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
