and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize