Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
