Just fell off a train. Bad.
omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Welp, just took a tab of acid and cracked one of three bottles of champagne... Mondays ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
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