Can i not drive my cunt home
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
