and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
Randomize
