you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I am naked and annoyed.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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