you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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