i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Randomize
