he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I can't turn off my feet"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
