White coat. Heels.
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
