I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
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