rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
