I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
