I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
