Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
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