remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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