so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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