i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
