you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
Randomize
