yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
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