Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I look better un-naked...
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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