i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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