Christians are straight up FREAKS
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
