She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
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