matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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