please come you make the beer taste better
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
did i walk over a car last night?
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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