pedialite and red bull = repair kit
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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