Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
